El Violator Infernal (1988)

     Here's another great piece of sleaze.  The premise is basically about a man who escapes death from the electric chair because he makes a pact with devil, who's a woman mind you.  This man must implement various acts of rape and murder after which he must carve the number 666 into his victim's flesh.  Lots of Cocaine and Sodomy in this one.  Make sure you watch this with the family around the holidays, it really captures the spirit of Christmas.

      

Blood Diner (1987) - "You need the stomachs of two immoral girls!"

The Nephews acting Cool by snapping their fingers

             It seems to me that Blood Diner is the king shit of fuck mountain.  Of course there are other films like Frankenhooker and Dead Alive that could compete with it but those movies weren't directed by a woman, Jackie Kong, cinematic genius! For how misogynistic Blood Diner is it's quite baffling that a woman directed it.  I'm sure feminist protestors were scratching their heads and rubbing their genitals for a bit when they realized this information.

Uncle Anwar's Brain

       The premise is about an Uncle who goes on a killing spree and winds up at his nephews house with a cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other.  He tells the two boys to study the book of Sheetar before being ambushed by the police.  Twenty some years later, the boys dig up the Uncle's brain  in which he tells the boys they have the task of resurrecting the Lumerian Goddess Sheetar.  In order to do this they kill a bunch of whores and use the various body parts from different bodies to make one composite body.  The boys scout their victims at their vegetarian restaurant.  It's not really a vegetarian restaurant though, it's a facade, because they actually serve dog dicks and the patrons eat it up.  Once this is done they summon Sheetar with a "blood buffet" and a virgin to sacrifice for Sheetar to eat.  During this two detectives try to stop the boys and the Uncle before the shit hits the fan.

Little Jimmy Hitler

   It's a damn shame the pieces of shit at Lions Gate haven't made a proper DVD release for this in the states.  There was a rumor that they were going to release it with some special features including commentary tracks, etc. But apparently they chose to dump it on a horror dvd pack with six other films instead of releasing Blood Diner autonomously.  LAME!!!!!

I told you they served dog dicks!

GUTTERBALLS (2008) - FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

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THE SECRET LIFE: JEFFREY DAHMER

   Well the only reason I felt compelled to watch this piece of sleaze was that it starred Carl Crew (as Dahmer) from one of my favorite horror films, Blood Diner.

      First, lets note that this film is a FICTIONALIZED story of what actually happened.  I read some reviews of people stating that didn't happen and this didn't happen.  WELL READ THE FUCKING COVER OF DVD BOX YOU FUCKING DULTS.  It simply states, "FICTIONALIZED STORY OF THE MURDERS."
             The voice-over work is horrendous, and his "can I take your photo" schtick gets real old, but other than that the film is very watchable but also disturbing. FACT: I had no idea he drilled holes in some of his victims heads while they were alive, and injected acid or bleach into their wounds afterwards, apparently to try to turn them into zombies.  Coincidentally the day after I watched The Secret Life it was in the news that a mile long Dahmer tour was being implemented in Milwaukee.  SHAME SHAME!

    Definitely worth seeing.  It's available on DVD or you can see it in it's entirety on youtube.

KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS (1989)

   Seriously folks, any film that features Charles Bronson brandishing a dildo and sticking it up his adversaries asshole instantly wins the key to my heart. 

    Kinjite:  Forbidden Subjects isn't Bronson at his best work, nothing comparable to Death Wish 3 atleast.  The problem with Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects is that Bronson's character isn't a very likeable.  He seems to be acting more like the always sourly bitter douche, Andy Rooney than Paul Kersey, always complaining about superfluous nonsense.  So what dude your daughter got her holiest of holies touched, go to disneyland for a day and forget about the whole thing, could have been much worse like the Japanese girl, fumikoson, your trying to rescue from that shitbag Duke.  She was raped three times within 3 minutes and developed a penchant for heroin which ultimately led to her overdose.  And let's not to forget that Duke (the pimp) made her turn tricks.

   Fortunately this movie is one hell of sleaze fest which makes it worth watching.  It's got drugs, rape, arena football, Sy Richardson, Vaseline, and dildos.

PERFECT VICTIMS (1988) - "No one can help you now, not even your GOD"

      Brandon Poole is a mover by day and rapist by night.  Oh yeah and he has aids.  Brandon's livid at women and blames them for his disease, so he feels he needs to spread aids to as many women as possible before he expires.  He preys on aspiring models after moving them into their new home in Hollywood.  He sifts through their belongings, fawns at their head shots, and it's game on. Brandon then proceeds to drug their milk with an animal tranquilizer and returns to the house later that night to find the models lying on the floor, heavily sedated.  He goes for the blonde, pins her to the floor, and pulls out a small tube and spits into it which is inserted into the blonde's nostril. It doesn't stop there.  He slits his wrist then the lets the blood descend into her mouth and slaps the shit out her.  RAPE TIME. When he finishes he adds "I have news for you slut, your kid is an orphan."

SAMSON!!!!!!!!

  Similar scenarios take place through out the film with some amazingly stellar one liners.  I love this film so much I might have to buy a laser disc player just to get a better quality version than my VHS transfer, or maybe just maybe some smart faction of people will release this on DVD. I might add if you're seeing a woman and you're unsure about her, give her the Perfect Victims test.  If she doesn't like it, show her the door.  If she wants back into your life, have her write a 10 page essay why Perfect Victims is the one of the greatest movies to emasculate to of all time and maybe you'll let her back into your life . 

THE PARTY ANIMAL (1984) - HOUNDDOG'S GONNA EAT THAT PUSSY!

      The Party Animal, it seems to me,  is the creme de la creme of the 80's sex comedy genre.   We have Pondo Sinatra, a virgin in his mid-twenties, who migrates from the south to the north to attend college.  He befriends Studly, a real womanizer,  who gives his best advice on getting laid but Pondo's progress is desultory, even with Studly's help.  So Studly recommends talking to his mentor, Elbow, the school's janitor.  Elbow's advice is basically, you gotta tell the pussy who's boss and you gotta eat it up.  This doesn't work for poor Pondo.  So his last resort is to concoct an aphrodisiac after hearing about aphrodisiacs in class.  He pours a vat of green shit all over him and low and behold girls are all over him like flies on shit.   It's Pondomania.  Pondo soon becomes annoyed with the disorder but it's too late,  an obese girl rapes him and then the film implies that he got crushed by her.  HOLY SHIT the movie isn't over yet. Pondo has been reincarnated as a rabbit, now Pondo can get all the rabbit pussy he wants.
     Not only is the story bizarre and entertaining but the soundtrack to The Party Animal really aids the film in making it even more enjoyable, which is predominantly laden with hearty Buzzcocks songs. I wish the soundtrack would have been released because, I have spent many restless nights searching for Gerald Michenaud's "Kill the White Man" but had no such luck. The VHS version has R.E.M.'s "Radio Free Europe" playing in the background while lubricated men frolic on a stage and exploit themselves, what was the director eluding to?

     You have tits and ass, in conjunction with a little racism and fart humor, followed by a little rape and excessive drug use, and you have THE PARTY ANIMAL.